And Set The Wall Between Us Once Again
by Lady Ardana
Summary: Karigan's loves her monarch, but for the good of all she cannot allow herself to love him. Zachary knows this, and has done the same, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. K/Z. Set after HKT .Going to be pretty angsty in parts...ye be warned.
1. The Mind Has Eyes

**Due to overwhelming requests, I have decided to write something other then a one-shot. I have no idea how long this will be, but there will be at least 2 more chapters. Enjoy! Title is from the Robert Frost poem "Mending the Wall"  
**

**Also with regards to my story "Fastion's Final Duty", no, I won't be telling what happened to Kari. I like the ambiguous nature of it, and besides, that story's not really about her. **

As the last vestiges of light spilled over the courtyard, Karigan wearily dragged herself towards the castle. Every muscle ached, and had anyone asked, she would have sworn to them that Drent came from hell itself. She'd had no illusions that swordmaster training would be easy, but honestly if it got any harder she thought she might implode.

The rider's wing was quiet as she entered it. _Everyone must be at dinner._ She thought. It was just as well, she was too tired to talk. With a grateful sigh she let herself into her room and collapsed on the bed fully clothed. Her bed was soft and inviting, but Karigan's mind refused to slow down. Of its own accord it drifted the direction of dangerous impossibilities. She tried to steer it away from those thoughts, but her mind kept latching on to random moments, and eventually she stopped fighting it.

In that moment on the stairs, as she curtsied to the king, she realized that she'd never done it before. In the year's hat she'd lived at the castle, she'd never had an occasion to curtsy to her monarch. Every time she'd greeted him it had always been with a bow, or the clan greeting. And with this realization came another. If she'd never curtsied, that also meant that Zachary had never seen her in a dress. A real dress, not the skirts and blouses she used for clan business, but a real, full corset, make all the courtiers jealous, honest to Aeryc, dress. Heat rushed to her cheeks as she remembered how low her neckline plunged, and from the color of Zachary's own cheeks, he'd obviously been looking.

At that moment Estora rescued her from her own embarrassment. As much as she wanted to, Karigan couldn't bring herself to hate Estora. She was kind, clever, and beautiful. She was also brave, if in a different way then herself. They moved in different circles, lived in different worlds. And yet, somehow they managed to become friends, all the while secretly envious of the other.

Karigan really tried to hate her, she really did. She focused her mind on how Estora was betrothed to the man she loved. On how she was not compelled by a magical calling into a profession she did not choose. On all of the little things that could possibly annoy her; Estora's perfect hair, her unerring politeness, the impractical length of her skirts. But try as she might, she just couldn't summon the will to hate her. Especially after her abduction. She had showed such courage and tenacity in the face of a danger that she had not been prepared for. Karigan had to admit, if only to herself, that she was proud of her friend.

With a growl of frustration at her restless mind, Karigan heaved herself out of bed. Maybe after a bath her mind would finally put to rest thoughts of Zachary and Estora. At least for the night.


	2. Amid the Waves We Die of Thirst

**Sorry this is so short, my muse seems to have disappeared... The Chapter title for this comes from Ovid's Metamorphoses, the section about Iphis and Ianthe-two lovers who long for each other, society will not let them be together, but with a happy ending;)**

Ch 2 – Amid the waves we die of thirst

'To justly rule a country one's heart and reason must be of one mind.' His grandmother's words echoed through his mind as Zachary moved through the sword forms. For years he had followed his grandmother's teachings, but now his heart and his reason were at war, and he was the last to say which would win. His heart wanted to revel in a love he thought he would never find, but his head knew that alliance was the best thing for the country. If it was a choice between his own pain and his people's pain, he would choose his own. Every time. That was why he was out here being put through his paces by Drent. Maybe a little physical pain would distance him from the turmoil within his heart.

At that moment he would have burned down Rider Barracks again if it would bring her back into his arms. His limbs tingled with a sense memory of holding her close.

All of his relationships were tainted by his position. Just once, he wanted to be known as just Zachary and not the high king of Sacordia. Even Karigan had never once called him by his name. He ached to hear his name drop from her lips, imagining how her voice would form the sounds. But alas, their rapport was a professional one, and she would never let herself cross that line. She couldn't let herself.

Lately every time he heard her say 'Sire' it lanced into his heart like an arrow. Every formal form she used seemed to place more and more distance between them, as if with every word she was throwing his letters into a fire. Something was different about her now, ever since the tombs. He itched to speak with her, but there was always something to pull him away. _It's time,_ he thought, _to take matters into my own hands._


	3. To Try to Rear the Changeling Hope

**Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!**

Ch 3 – To Try to Rear the Changeling Hope

Karigan contemplated the color of the sky as she lay on her back with Drent pacing above her telling her everything that she's done wrong. Again. He kicked her boot, jostling her thoughts back to the present. "Are you listening to me girl?"

"Yes Sir." She replied. "You were saying that if I keep dropping my left elbow that I might as well paint a target on it."

He grunted in response, and turned to go, but paused as if just remembering something. "You are to report to me at eight hour tonight for additional training."

"What?" Karigan gasped. Eight hour was only three hours away.

"Arms Master Gresia has her hands full with training all of her new recruits, most of which are your new riders, so she is turning her more advanced students over to me. This means that your training will now be pushed back to when I have time to deal with you. Neither I nor your new training partner will be pleased if you are late." With that he walked away leaving Karigan alone with her bruises.

* * *

Eight hour was ringing out its last chime as Karigan ran like a mad woman towards the practice grounds. She was going to be late and it was all Tegan's fault. If she hadn't pulled that prank on Fergal, then Karigan wouldn't have had to talk Fergal out of retaliating, which took more time then she thought it would, and she wouldn't be running late now. All Tegan's fault. She would be late, and Drent would kill her, or better yet, let her new training partner do it for him. Karigan groaned at the thought; there was nothing Drent's trainees liked better then humiliating 'the Greenie.'

The bell stopped tolling and Karigan picked up her speed. Not even a minute after eight hour she skidded to a stop in front of Drent. He didn't even turn around or acknowledge her presence other then to snap. "You're late."

Karigan bit off an angry retort, knowing that it would get her nowhere. To fight with Drent was to invite a beating. She remained silent and eventually Drent turned around and looked her over. "Well, as long as you're here you may as well make yourself useful." He began walking and Karigan trailed behind, having already made the mistake of not following him once. "Your new training partner is more advanced then you," He continued. "But I expect you to put up a good fight before he defeats you. I don't want you to embarrass me again."

As the two of them approached the practice rings Karigan saw a tall, broad shouldered man, whom she assumed was her training partner, talking to Fastion. _Oh great._ She thought. _My new partner is a swordmaster initiate._

"Boy!" Drent barked at the man. "We're not here to socialize. Come greet your training partner."

The man turned, revealing the face that Karigan both longed and dreaded to see. King Zachary's. "Hello Rider." He said, his almond eyes crinkling as his lips turned up in a smile.

"Sire." She said stiffly. His eyes tightened at the honorific, but Karigan didn't see it. She was already turned to Drent. "I can't do this." She declared. There was no way she could survive seeing him every day.

"And why is that girl?" He nearly growled.

"He's the king!" She declared in frustration. "What if he gets hurt?"

Drent scoffed. "You know that rank stays outside this yard. It doesn't matter who you are here, just how good you are." He narrowed is eyes, challenging her to find another excuse.

Karigan looked back and forth amongst the three of them. "Don't you remember what happened last time?" The king winced at the memory and Karigan felt a stab of guilt at making him relive it.

But Drent was not deterred. "That was then, this is now. Your arm has healed, your level of swordplay has advanced, you're also using a more appropriate weight of sword. And," He continued drawing in a new breath. "You'll be using non-edged weapons, since you're so squeamish about hurting the boy."

Karigan was having trouble finding reasons to object, other then the obvious personal ones. "I guess I have no choice." She admitted with a heavy sigh.

"And don't forget it girl." Drent barked. "Now both of you check your titles at the door, and ready yourselves."

Karigan reluctantly took the offered practice sword from Fastion, who gave her a small smile. She knew that he was very tight-lipped, but couldn't he at least give her a hint at what was going on? No, weapons were as silent as the tombs they guarded. She squared her shoulders and took a ready position across the practice circle from the king. He did the same, but he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and suddenly realized that this whole thing had been his idea.


	4. Only the Sleeper sees the Dream

**I'm sorry that this update took so long. I should warn you that future chapters will be infrequent at best. I do all my best writing between and durring classes, and school is not out. Also my health is acting up again, I'm most likely going to have to have surgury this summer. So updates will be few and far between. Sorry this chapter is so short, but I thought I'd give you guys what I had done to hold you over. Enjoy! Comments are Love.  
**

**The Title of this chapter comes from the tale of the "Eloquent Peasant" a middle-kingdom Egyptian parable.**

Chapter 4 - Only the Sleeper sees the Dream

"Boy!" Drent barked at Zachary as he yet again barely avoided injuring Karigan. "Do remember that this is the girl's second training session today. Let's try not to send her to Destarion this time, shall we?"

Zachary winced at the thought of hurting Karigan, the guilt from the last time rising to gnaw at him again. 'Do remember' Drent had said. He'd never said anything about her having another training session. Though now that he thought about it, it was just like Drent to make a trainee pull a double shift. He did not envy Karigan at this moment. "My apologies Rider." He murmered, wishing he could say more.

"It's alright Sire." Karigan replied. "I'm just a little slower then usual this evening."

"It's quite alright. I-"

"Is my training session interrupting your cozy conversation?" Drent barked, jerking them both back to attention. "Starting positions!"

Karigan stepped back to her starting position in the practice ring, but the king remained motionless, as if lost in thought. "Sire?" She inquired, and he shook his head, as if ridding it of some errant idea.

"Girl!" Drent Growled "Did I not tell you to check all titles at the door? If I hear one more 'Sire' you'll be doing laps for a week! You will call him 'boy', 'Zachary', or," He got a wicked grin on his face. "'Zach.'" It was not until much later that Karigan learned from Captain Mapstone, that the King absolutely despised being called 'Zach'."

Karigan gulped. And nodded her assent, though she disliked the idea. The formal titles allowed her to maintain an emotional distance from him. They made it easier for her to compartmentalize her feelings. As if to concede one level of affection would be to admit all others, she denied herself even the idea of his love. It was too painful. She feared the floodgates that held her emotions in check. If they ever opened, she didn't think she could survive it. And she'd always viewed calling him by his name to be the first step towards opening those flood gates. Maybe she could just avoid referring to him at all, just by-passing that part of the conversation. Though she didn't think that he'd appreciate be called 'hey, you'. She had the feeling that this would not end well.

They circled each other, their blades dancing in deadly patterns, first one gaining the advantage, then the other. Karigan could tell that the king was holding back to match her skill level, and it galled. Not only did he invade her every thought, but he was pulling his punches. She decided it was time to show him that he didn't have to go easy on her.

With a flick and twist of her wrist she reversed her blade and tangled it with his. Karigan then jerked her blade up and back, disarming him before he could react. What she had not intended was that her maneuver had pushed him off balance and he tipped backwards, arms pin-wheeling in an attempt to keep his balance. It didn't work, and he fell onto his backside in cloud of dust.

Karigan barely contained her laughter as he pulled himself to his feet. Oh how the tables had turned. In a small way his blunder had set her at ease. She was always embarrassing herself in front of him, so he doing the same had leveled the playing field somewhat.

After that Drent called a halt to training for the day, for which Karigan would have been eternally grateful, if he hadn't added that he expected them both to be back tomorrow, and every day after, at eight hour _sharp_. With a groan Karigan realized that her trials had just begun.


End file.
